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Feelings, Like, Love, Friendship

Being a very emotional person for the most part of my life, I got access to the terms mentioned above in various capacities at different steps of my life. I put the “Friendship” term at the end because I believe that is the ultimate and most enduring of these relationships. But then again, sometimes I wonder why we distinguish between these terms.

As I found through my discussions with numerous people from both sexes, feelings and love are often transitory. I am not saying it is a state of mind that remains “only” for a very short period of time; but I found there are very few people who could honestly say that it lasted the same way for them in a relationship over the years. Maybe it is not meant to be that way, maybe it is an imposed “ideal scenario” from the society where we live in, maybe I am wrong and talked with mostly those unlucky people who found it to be transitory, … … may be I am suffering from projection. But whatever the reason behind, the fact of the matter is – don’t get surprised when you put off your pink glasses and find out that relationships in the real world are lot more practical and matter of convenience than we might want to believe.

We generally have this taboo that love (the kind that drives one crazy) and friendship should be treated as two distinctly separate things. I don’t know, are they really that separate? Could it be that we want to keep them separate so that we don’t risk loosing it all? Could it be that the social norms and expectations, and the possibility of a hyped up state of mind (which if looked at later seems quite scary) when we are in love is what subconsciously directs us not to bring feelings and emotions to a friendship? I wish I had an answer, but I don’t have any.

I also find the term “like” very interesting. A guy liking a guy and a girl liking a girl under general condition leads to a one way thinking process in most cases. But when it happens for opposite sexes, it carries different meanings. Sometimes we use it honestly, sometimes it is used to play down speculation, sometimes we use it to defend certain interpersonal interactions, and sometimes to provide some sort of an indication. The word “like” is truly well liked and widely used 🙂

These days I find that relationship statuses change very fast. Be it a marriage or an affair. I guess one reason might be the added complexity and expectations in our life. But we might also say that it is the outcome of a rebellious attitude from the youths of today to break free from the socially imposed norms of monogamous nature of relationship. Unfortunately we still have not reached a stage where we would stop being a hypocrite and openly and firmly start sharing our inner views. But it is highly probable that the discontent and frustration in relationships that is displayed in peer group discussions these days are much higher than they were before.

One might ask whether I am brave enough to share my inner views as openly as I might desire. The answer is NO. I am still a product of the 20th century Bangladesh and my capacity in this front is quite limited. However, I do hope that when the 21st century generations come to my age, they would be bold enough to embrace the truth to the extent possible, and stop living a life of lies as many of us do today.

Note: I wrote this piece back in 2010, it has been modified slightly here.

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