I don’t know what prompted me to write this note, may be the show that’s on TV now. It’s called The Bachelor. This reminded me of the extreme capitalism that Samdani Sir was talking about last week. All these girls trying to impress a guy who they believe is a rich guy and doing whatever is needed to attract his attention. I never saw this show before, and don’t think will see it again. Somehow looking at all these caricatures unfolding in front of my eyes made me little depressed. One of my greatest weaknesses have been my inability to pretend. I know many of you would say that it’s a great virtue; but in today’s world of competition it often turns out to be a great weakness. These people that I am watching now are masters in pretending. And it makes me feel sad. I don’t know whether it’s because I don’t like to pretend, or whether it’s because I know I lack the ability to pretend, but I am feeling seriously depressed. I have not been what you called a social butterfly or the adventurous guy in my life. At least not till now. But whatever I have seen so far taught me two things – real love exists; and knowing the fact that real love exists is no less than having real love in your life. The finding can be as wonderful as when you have it for real. After all, it’s all about emotions and feelings at the end of the day. However, one note of caution, here real love DOES NOT mean eternal love. That’s a completely different thing.
As we grow up and mature, the one important thing that comes as realization is that being in love can be very expensive, both emotionally and practically. As a result, slowly we allow our rationale to overpower our emotions, sometimes forcefully, to make sure that we do not pay a price that we can’t afford to pay. In a way, this is not a bad choice. It allows you to make sure that your responsibilities are fulfilled and the society continues to approve your acts. The downside is, you do suffer inside and it continues till you’re strong enough to overpower that sense of emptiness in your heart. The disturbing part is, most of us realize this, and most of us have had such experiences; yet, we hardly feel compassionate and show our understanding when we see someone is struggling to cope with such a state of mind. Maybe that’s how human beings are supposed to behave, maybe it’s not as unacceptable as my last sentence is trying it to portray as, maybe I am just a naive idealist, maybe my depressed state of mind at this point is making me feel more negative about such attributes in a human being than it is in reality. But I guess my writings should reflect what I feel as my desire is to share my own thoughts through this blog.
Coming back to controlling emotions, it can be one of the most difficult things to master for an individual if that person is by nature more emotional than the rest. Being someone who falls in the emotional person category, I have struggled with it for many years and the progress I have made so far is far from what I intended to achieve. Considering I have already crossed 30 years of my life, and also considering the task gets tougher and tougher as you try to reach newer heights, I am not foreseeing any radical shift from my current emotional status. But you never know, life often gives us more surprises than we expect, although not necessarily all of them result in something better for us. In fact, increased emotional turmoil is a more likely future scenario than a steady increase in control over emotions. But for those of us who are in this boat, I would say be patient and don’t get panicky about what the future would bring. You can’t escape your destiny and the best option is to learn how to live with the inevitability of it. People do learn and they do survive, there’s no reason why we can’t.
Note: I wrote this piece in 2011