I was watching this French movie where there was this man who fell in love with a girl he initially found not so interesting. Falling in love with someone that you found uninteresting initially is nothing abnormal, and it happens all the time. However, this man then became obsessed with her and he started to believe that the girl was cheating on him. To make matters worse, the man started to look for evidence that he was being cheated. End result, his world turned upside down and he became a living mess.
Love is a beautiful thing. Most likely the most beautiful thing in the world. I found that being in love [when you are in the height of it] makes you feel that it is worth living a whole life just to enjoy those few moments of sheer joy and happiness. Unfortunately this feeling does not last forever and possessiveness is one of the key reasons to bring an end to the smooth sailing. Yet it is very difficult not to be possessive as many lovers believe that a love where there is no possessiveness is no love at all. The possessiveness is more profound when we are younger. Young people tend to have less patience, have less experience about life, and often cannot control temper.
However, those who had been deprived of love for too long also can become very possessive regardless of their age. Possessiveness also comes from a sense of insecurity. The man in the movie was around 35 and the girl was around 17. The girl had a younger friend named ‘Momo” who was in his mid twenties. The fact that the girl had a friend who was much younger than the man became a major concern for him. Just like age difference, other aspects such as difference in status, difference in the possible road ahead [especially profound when a married person falls in love with an unmarried person], differences in exposure level; all cater to the creation of insecurity.
Being possessive can prove very costly. It takes a toll on your normal way of life, can hamper your job, can make you spend too much time doing unproductive things, and can lead to the end of the relationship causing a long term depression. Since we become possessive about someone mostly after we are in love with that person, logically that makes falling in love itself a costly business at the end of the day. Now who will bear the cost is not certain. Sometimes both parties may bear the cost. However, in most cases the less emotional generally suffer less as they find it easy to rationalize themselves and are quick to understand the perils of overreaction in the face of difficulties arising in a relationship.
Being an emotional person myself, I suffered a lot for being possessive. However, as I grew older I realized that being possessive is actually useless. If someone wants to cheat on you, s/he will do it regardless of whether you are possessive about that person or not. Now how you will deal with it depends on how much you want that person to stay in your life. If it is possible to live without that person then there is no point in bothering about it. If s/he does not love you anymore, let that person go. But if you think it is impossible to live without someone then instead of being possessive learn to live with that person even if you fear that s/he may not remain loyal to you. This would reduce a lot of stress and the whole love thing [or whatever is left of it] can be enjoyed at a manageable “Cost”.
My observation from reality is that no one is irreplaceable, as with time all wounds heal and the vacuum created by someone’s absence is normally filled with some other person.